What I won’t do:
It doesn't matter who's right because that won't make you happier as a couple. What matters is a secure bond that will lead to the positive and loving relationship you deserve.
How I will help
You will be safer to explore the issues that you haven’t been able to talk about productively at home.
We’ll slow things down so you can discover
Experience is a powerful teacher.
With new experiences you will
Once it is safer to speak to each other from a more vulnerable place you will be able to come closer to each other and resolve problems much more easily. You will be able to turn to each other for comfort, celebration, and love.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is based on a new science of changing intimate relationships. EFT has been proven effective in 25 years of research.
The most important indicators of success are
Emotionally Focused Therapy works well:
Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
by Dr. Sue Johnson
Emotionally Focused Therapy was originated in the 1980's by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Leslie Greenberg. It was developed when Dr. Johnson noticed that her couples were not interested in fair fighting rules, negotiation skills, or insights. Love relationships are emotional bonds and not subject to all that verbal rationality. Emotion has a rationality all its own, a necessity for survival.
Emotionally Focused Therapy focuses on the needs and longings we all have for love and acceptance – our attachment needs -- especially from our romantic partners. Love makes sense when you can see that fighting and distance in a relationship happens when love and acceptance seem threatened. Often the response to threat is anger, criticism, or avoidance - a response that further threatens the relationship. A self-perpetuating cycle sets in that is hard to break free from.
We have relatively new science about how the brain operates under the stress of disconnection and the protection afforded by a safe trusting relationship. The way to build the safe relationship is through new safe experiences in therapy. This video explains more.
Love Sense, The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships
by Dr. Sue Johnson
If you are not sure you need to see a couples counselor, it makes sense to make an appointment. You are the one who knows if you are unhappy or wondering if things could be better and more loving. Some sure signs are yes answers to any of these questions.
Most couples postpone seeking help for as much as 6 years. In that time, problems become entrenched and hard to solve.
If your partner is reluctant, remember that for a relationship to work, both of you must be happy. In fact, couples therapy is a good treatment for depression!